Living Together: A Guide to Communicating with Neighbors. Invisible flatmate Flatmate

Finding yourself in your own/rented apartment, where you are completely on your own, is one of the first exciting adventures at the beginning of growing up. And since very few people have enough money to live on at the beginning of adult life, chances are that you will simply have to find a roommate with whom you will share the cost of housing. The reasons for looking for a neighbor can also be different: from psychological, such as the desire to communicate, to purely practical ones, such as those described above. If you can find a well-compatible roommate, you will in any case have a worthwhile partner who will make your life easier. Choose the wrong one and you'll end up like cat and dog.

Difficulty: moderate.

1. First of all, think about why you need a roommate. If only in order to share the costs of renting a living space, then the requirements for a person can be made much less.

If you don't want to be alone, and you need company to hang out at night in clubs, then inquiries regarding your compatibility should be more thorough. Perhaps you are simply not yet experienced enough in this matter to live in one; or you are simply simply scared; or you need periodic help in fixing the housework - after all, neighbors can not only be same-sex; or you need money for something and you decide to rent out one room. Sometimes flatmates are like a married couple, a lot of benefits for each other, like advice, repairs, housework, again, the opportunity to ask for a ride somewhere, etc., etc. only without unnecessary obligations and intimate relationships. In other words, if your considerations are purely practical, this makes the task easier, if psychological, then vice versa.

For example, if you are 22 and need a neighbor solely to afford normal housing at an average price, then a 30-year-old professional worker will be perfect for you. But if you need company, you will have to look for someone of the same age with a similar lifestyle.

2. Be honest with yourself and your potential roommate about your habits. There's nothing wrong with, for example, being a slob, a weirdo, a geek, or anything in between; provided, of course, that you share the living space with a person who is normal about such things or has the same habits/lifestyle. The same applies to the time at which you go to bed, to music (if you listen to it periodically-constantly), to the TV turned on all night, to the level of noise in general, to the time you get up, to the habit of partying. , etc., etc. Still living with parents who have gotten used to you and your quirks, or alone, you may not immediately understand that certain things can cause inconvenience to someone, but think carefully about what could interfere with a potential neighbor and inform him about it in advance, and also look for a person in a certain direction, focusing on the above.

3. Make a list of qualities that you would like to see in a potential neighbor, as well as a list of what is unacceptable to you - this will help you navigate the interview. But be objective, each of us is far from ideal. Then, combine your “spiritual quest” into a list of questions - something like a small questionnaire. For a harmonious relationship, you should look for someone whose lifestyle is similar to yours.

4. First arrange an interview for each candidate by phone and/or electronically, then a more detailed/in-depth interview in person. This will save you time and nerves in the first case, in the second you will understand how comfortable you are being around a person, tell them about yourself, and show them the apartment. It is also optimal to start the meeting in a pleasant atmosphere with a casual conversation, for example, in a cafe - and only after, if you are more or less sure, take the person to show the apartment.

5. Ask probing, more vague questions, so to speak, instead of specific ones pointing to a specific choice. You need to first get as honest and complete information about the person as possible before talking about yourself, giving him/her the opportunity to answer in his own way, and not suggesting the answer.

Be tactful and you'll be more likely to get an honest answer about someone's personal habits. Also be sure to ask about work (which, accordingly, refers to the ability to pay housing for a long period of time), hobbies and other life preferences (maybe the person likes fragrant Indian cuisine, or is a racist, or needs several hours a day absolute silence for meditation, or he is an artist who will leave paint stains everywhere or a musician who needs to practice the guitar for a long time). You'll need truly comprehensive information about everyone.

6. Before making a final decision, be sure to ask who can give this person recommendations, so to speak. Do not hesitate to ask for a phone number to call your parents, work, or her/his previous place of residence. After all, you need to get to know a complete stranger well in just a few meetings.
If possible, check his details through official channels; if not, enter his e-mail address, phone number, name into search engines, see what they give you. Look through her/his diary if you find one (you can directly ask the person for links to his/her pages).
Check your registration.

7. Try not to go into an open search; ask people you really trust - neighbors, friends, relatives - if they know a suitable person who needs housing. Just don’t make any promises yourself, so as not to have to deal with these same neighbors, friends, and relatives later.
Or advertise in a closed club/community where you communicate/hang out, or in a local network where you also know roughly who is what. As a last resort (if you have the funds), you can contact serious agencies with a good reputation for the delivery and rental of housing - in some cases they check candidates really scrupulously.

8. Before informing your future neighbor about your positive decision, think for a few days to make sure that you are absolutely sure of your choice. At the very least, be honest about a couple of trial months, during which both of you can see if you can get along together.

All the steps described above are very similar to finding a good employee for a serious company, and, to some extent, this is how it should be treated.

If you have decided to buy a home, but don’t know where to look, where to start, and what you want in general, then this is the place for you. If you decide to buy a one-room apartment, then it has a lot of advantages. Find out more about everything on the website http://novabydova.com.ua/

My name is Jeon Jungkook. I am 18. I moved to Seoul because my parents want me to study at a good university and receive a higher education, but this is not possible in our city. I'm certainly glad that I will live in such a big city, but there is one drawback. I will have to live in an apartment where a guy already lives. The owner offered this apartment for half the amount. Well, I’m not a fool to refuse such a thing.
The apartment is large, the rooms are separated by a large living room and kitchen. I like it here. But I don't like my neighbor at all. He's not sociable and has a very strange hair color, but it suits him. His name is Kim Taehyung and he is 19. I don't know anything else about him.
Maybe talk to him? We've been living here for a month and still haven't spoken much. We need to have dinner and get to know each other better. I wonder if he likes sushi?
...
So I bought sushi. So, what is next? I need to tell him about this, but he locked himself in his room and won’t come out. Eh, I have to knock.
*Knock Knock*
-Taehenie, I bought sushi for dinner. Come out. Let's eat together.
-I hate sushi. And I'm not going to have dinner with you. Back off.
-But we’ve been living together for a month, I don’t know anything about you.
-What makes you think that you should know something about me?
-I... I... I...
-Here you see. You don't have to know anything. Disappear.
Crap. Why does he say that? I want to get to know him better, but he behaves like this.
-Why do you say that?
-Because I hate you.
-What? Do you hate it? What did I do to you? You do not know me.
I took a couple of steps away from the door. Tears were streaming down my cheeks. I really want to disappear.
I heard footsteps outside the door. The door opened and I finally saw him. He was wearing shorts and a big red T-shirt. I wanted to fall through the ground, I didn’t want him to see me roar.
-Ha. Yes, you are also a crybaby.
-Yes, I'm crying. “It’s because of you.” I shouted chokingly.
I took a couple more steps back, tripped over my own foot and fell.
“You’re cool,” he said through laughter.
I sat and smiled, looking at him. I was in pain, but I was happy. This is the first time I've seen him laugh. Taheny is so cute when he laughs. He suddenly stopped laughing and made such a serious face that I became a little scared. He quickly walked up to me, squatted down and looked me straight in the eyes. I became scared and started shaking.
-Am I that scary? Why are you shaking so much?” Taehyung mumbled, placing his hand on my shoulder.
-No. On the contrary, you are very sweet.
He smiled at all 32. Such a beautiful smile, such sweet lips.
-Taehyung...Can I kiss you?
-I thought you were shy. Of course you can.
I put my hand on his neck and pulled him towards me. I looked into his eyes and laid my head on his shoulder.
-Gookie, what's the matter?
-I... I... I don't know how.
- I could have said right away, otherwise I was already in the mood and it’s such a bummer.
Now I really want to disappear.
-Okay, let's go.
Taehyung took my hand and dragged me to his room. I was a little scared, but I would see his room, and that made me happy. He lay down on the bed. I stood and looked at him with a confused look.
-Come on, sit down.
I climbed on it. I sat on his stomach. He sat down abruptly, leaning his back against the stack.
“I could have been more careful,” I growled.
-Are you also a sissy?
He smiled slightly and put one hand on my waist and the other on my neck.
-Are you sure you want it?
-Ddda.
He slowly began to pull me towards him. I started to tremble, and Taehyung probably felt it. I felt his lips on mine. Ah, this is so nice. I felt his tongue already in my mouth. It is very nice. I want to sit like this for the rest of my life. I pulled away from Taehyung's lips.
-Sorry. I need to go out.
-What's happened? Did you not like it? But your body says something completely different.
-That's it. If we continue, I might cum.
Taehyung chuckled and suddenly sat down on me.
-Jungkookie, now I will do you very well.
I looked at the ceiling, I felt Taehyung's kisses everywhere on my body. They are so wet and hot at the same time. My hand automatically reached for his shorts. I wanted to rip them off Taehyung.
-Oh no, no, Gookie. Today it’s my turn to do good to you. Your turn will come, but not today.
He took off my pants along with my underpants. I was left completely naked. When did he take off my T-shirt?
-Jungkookie, you are so beautiful.
I felt his cold hands on my body. I felt his hot kisses on my stomach, neck, thighs. My back arched as he pressed his lips to my cock.
-Taeheny. Do me good. - I shouted through my teeth.
I was ashamed of such words. But it’s his own fault, why is he teasing me?
Taehyung lifted my legs and placed them on his shoulders. He put his fingers in my mouth and made me lick them. I became scared for my body because Taehyung’s movements became rough and abrupt.
He looked at me and sharply inserted his finger into my hole. Aaaaaah.... How painful it is. I felt only burning pain and no pleasure. Taehyung’s finger began to move slowly inside me. The pain went away gradually. I couldn't get enough air. Taehyung sharply inserted two fingers at once. Pain pierced my entire body. I moaned like a whore. My body gradually began to get used to Taehyung’s fingers, I finally began to enjoy it. Taehyung slowly moved all three fingers inside me. He stopped and then accelerated. My body moved in time with him. Taehyung took out his fingers, took out a tube from the nightstand, and poured the contents onto his penis and onto my hole. He put the head of his penis to my hole and inserted it sharply. My vision went dark. I was in so much pain. Why is he so rude to me? Treats me like a whore. Tears flowed from my eyes. Taehyung began to move quickly, very quickly. I didn't feel my body. It felt nice and painful at the same time. I was ashamed. I covered my face with my hands and pressed my hands over my mouth. Taehyung abruptly took my hands and pulled them away from my face. I got scared when I saw his expression. There was anger on his face. I thought he was going to hit me because of this. I put my hands on his back, sat on him and began to move myself, scratching his back. I suddenly felt teeth on my shoulder. My body could no longer hold back and I came. Came right on Taehyung's stomach. And then my heart almost stopped. Taehyung grabbed me by the waist and carried me to the bathroom. When we got to the bathroom, he just started pointing at me.
-Stand on your knees.
I felt like a whore. Only whores are given orders.
-I'm not a whore for you to order around.
-Have you become daring?
I was hit on the cheek and forced to my knees. Tears were streaming down my cheeks; I had never felt so humiliated.
-Suck Gookie.
They put a dick to my lips. I was scared. I wanted to run away, but the door was closed. Taehyung’s hand grabbed my hair and began to force his penis into my mouth. I no longer cared what I looked like. I remembered how to do everything correctly (yes, I watched such videos, after all, I’m 18 and it’s normal to watch this). I grabbed the penis with my hand and began to move in rhythm with it. Taehyung pushed his dick into my mouth. I thought I would suffocate. After a few thrusts, he came in my mouth and made me swallow everything. The cum tasted like yogurt, only salty. Taehyung walked away from me, turned on the shower and began to wash off what I left on his stomach. I sat and looked at the floor. I was offended that I was treated like a whore.
-Hey, Gookie, you're just great. We need to repeat it somehow.

Muscovite Nina Aleksandrovna, an English teacher, at the time when this story happened, lived in an ordinary two-room “Khrushchev” with her adult son. One day she began to feel the presence of an invisible being. The Invisible Man treated her well and at first communicated with her only on those days when she was alone. (The teacher’s son often went on business trips.)

Sometimes the invisible friend gave useful advice or serious warnings. One day, having put the kettle on the stove, the woman forgot about it and fell asleep. Suddenly she was awakened by a man's voice, demanding that she go to the kitchen and turn off the kettle, in which there was almost no water left. This message, as Nina Alexandrovna was convinced, was completely true.

The other warning was much more serious. It happened on the eve of the October “putsch” of 1993. Nina Alexandrovna’s son was serving in the army at that time, in the Moscow garrison. Three days before the events began, the woman, as usual, spent the evening alone.

Suddenly, someone coughed in the corridor, and after this a familiar voice said: “Listen to me carefully: if you want your son to stay alive, then go to him immediately and convince him to go to the medical unit.”

About two years have passed since the appearance of the invisible tenant. All this time, the hostess and her uninvited guest lived peacefully, but gradually the invisible man began to behave more relaxed. He began to appear at her work, go to visit her, and also have fun, making fun of Nina Alexandrovna.

At first these were rather innocent jokes. Its owner is a very neat and obliging woman: every time she leaves work, she checks that the lights are turned off and the windows in her office are closed. But lately she had been woken up several times at night by the watchman, asking her to go back to school and turn off the lights in her classroom, since only she had the key to it.

Complaining about her absent-mindedness, the teacher rushed to school in the middle of the night, but the lights in the room went out a minute before her appearance, to which the guard, a serious elderly man not given to stupid jokes, swore with tears in his eyes.

But gradually the invisible man’s jokes became more and more evil, and the number of witnesses to his hoaxes increased. One day at 10 o’clock in the evening, the head teacher called Nina Aleksandrovna and said that she had locked a man in the office.

The confused teacher quickly got ready and went to school, where she found the following picture: a crowd of people had gathered under the windows of her classroom - the head teacher, the watchman, a fellow teacher and random passers-by who were trying to shout to the man locked in the classroom. The office windows were brightly lit.

The completely confused Nina Aleksandrovna, accompanied by the head teacher and the guard, quickly went up to the third floor, opened the door, and they entered a dark and completely empty office. The people accompanying her were shocked.

How this story ended is unknown.

From the book "Secrets of Mysterious Creatures"

Not everyone is lucky enough to have a separate living space for their family, and it’s not so bad if you share your square meters with relatives who are trying to come to an agreement with you. The situation is much worse for those who purchased a room in a communal apartment.

It is often difficult to communicate with neighbors on the floor or house, so many simply ignore them, but if your neighbor shares the same kitchen, hallway and bathroom with you, then you cannot hide from the problem. The main “stumbling block” very often becomes the difference in age and upbringing, which is why people’s views on the same problem are radically different.

Experts in the field of psychology have prepared several tips that will help, if not to become friends with other residents of the communal apartment, then at least to establish normal, adequate communication with them, which will make it easier to solve emerging problems and keep the nervous system in order.

Avoid gossip
No matter how much you want to gossip about your new neighbor’s next boyfriend or the outdated advice of “God’s dandelion” who shares a communal apartment with you and at the same time is trying to teach you about life, keep your mouth shut. Never take part in discussions between one resident and another; it is better to leave the common area altogether as soon as such conversations begin. Remember a simple rule: “Don’t talk about your neighbors behind their back if you don’t want them to talk about you behind yours.” If something is wrong, then it is better to say it directly, rather than tell everyone about the problem.

Prepare your child
Children, as a rule, do not understand that they can disturb someone with their cry, and they often behave somewhat unceremoniously, but even if someone offers you to help with your offspring (for example, look after him), remember that all responsibility for his behavior lies primarily with you.

Try to initially teach him not to make noise in the evenings, when everyone is at home or during the daytime rest (dinner naps are necessary not only for small children, but also for older ones). If someone else’s child bothers you, then try to immediately set clear boundaries and observe them yourself. By inviting your baby into your room once, you may end up with a frequent guest, so it’s always better to set the rules in advance. At the same time, do not scold someone else’s child; it is much better to report the offense to his mom or dad.

Pets
Naturally, there are pets that will live exclusively in your room and will not cause any trouble to any of your neighbors - fish, turtles, hamsters. If you dream of a big dog or loud parrots, then be sure to consult with your neighbors, as such pets can cause trouble for them and become a reason for constant quarrels.

Noise
Nobody likes noisy neighbors, so try not to give rise to conflicts. Family quarrels, heavy music on powerful speakers or a home theater at full volume - if you can’t imagine life without this, then at a minimum you should take care of soundproofing your living space, or do it at a time when all the other neighbors are outside the house. Separately, I would like to say about the rhythms of the day - if they do not coincide for all residents of a communal apartment, then respect the people who are resting when you are awake.

Race or religion
We have already written earlier that you should not discuss neighbors behind their backs, and it is also better to avoid jokes about the race or religion of those with whom you share common living square meters.

Personal achievements
You shouldn’t brag too much about your personal achievements (especially financial ones); your neighbors won’t be happy for you; they’ll rather think about how to profit from you or start talking about you behind your back.

Revenge
Even the shadow of a desire to do a petty dirty trick to your neighbor is nipped in the bud. Such a decision will be the beginning of a long and unnecessary hostility. Do you really want your home - a place where you can relax from the hustle and bustle of work - to become a real hell? If not, then never do harm to those you live next to. Almost every conflict can be resolved with a simple conversation.

Routine
Gather all your neighbors together and agree on a cleaning routine in common areas. Each resident must clearly know their responsibilities and fulfill them conscientiously. You can also agree not to stay in the bathroom or toilet for a long time in the morning or evening hours, when there may be a line outside the door of those who are in a hurry to work or on business.

Politeness
No matter how old you are or what gender you are, always try to be the first to say hello to your neighbors, hold the door for the person walking behind you if his hands are full. Small help and simple politeness will give you a couple of points of odds when you need something from people living nearby (believe me, such moments come more often than you think, even if you consider yourself an independent person).

Foreign household items and foreign territory
Good neighborly relations do not give you the right to use someone else's dishes without asking in the kitchen, and you should also not enter a neighbor's room without knocking and allow yourself to do other similar things.

Do not forget to wash the dishes and wipe the table in the common kitchen immediately after use; if you are very tired, it is better to leave a stack of plates in your room, and not in the sink, to which all residents have access. Remember, the balcony where your laundry hangs may be needed by others at some point, so check your laundry periodically and remove it on time.

Appearance
In your personal living space, you can even wear a negligee, but in the common corridor and other places where you may run into neighbors, appear only in decent form - no dressing gowns that barely cover your butt and chest, or family panties and a bare torso.

If you have just come from outside, wash your hands before entering the kitchen (or better yet, change your clothes). When you arrive “tipsy” after celebrating someone’s birthday, try not to make noise and quickly go to your room so as not to scare others with your behavior and the smell of fumes.

And most importantly, respect other people, then you will be treated with respect too!

Today it is not uncommon for several people who are little acquainted, or even completely unknown, to get together. And not only students who are accustomed to student life have to do this. And if it is easier for a student, due to his early age, to adapt to his neighbors, then it will not be so easy for a working person to do this. What can help in such a situation? How to live peacefully and happily with neighbors in a rented apartment? Let's consider some advice from experienced psychologists. There are several rules that can be followed to make living together comfortable for everyone living in the apartment.

A congenial neighbor

If you are still looking for a neighbor, then try to find yourself a person close to you in spirit. How to do this, you ask? It's actually not that difficult. When you come to inspect the apartment, ask your future neighbor the following important questions:

By the way, all these topics need to be discussed not only with an unfamiliar potential neighbor. They are also relevant when two bosom friends are going to live together. After all, living together, constantly solving everyday issues, seeing each other more often is not the same as just spending evenings and weekends together. So, sometimes it is even better not to live together if you are not ready to sacrifice friendship for this.

So that the idyll does not break down in everyday life

It’s not just the boats of family happiness that are shattered by everyday issues. Even the best and closest friends can have a big quarrel over simple everyday issues. One of them is cleaning the house. To prevent this from happening, at the very beginning of living together it is necessary to discuss several important and seemingly simple points. It is best, in order to avoid offense and understatement, to set a cleaning schedule for the apartment. At the same time, it is worth discussing what each of you understands by cleaning and how it should be carried out. Having clear guidelines will make it easier for each of you to adhere to them, which means there will be no misunderstandings on both sides.

When discussing everyday issues, encourage your neighbor to say what he could not put up with, and also express your preferences. Don’t be too picky, but at the same time, if something really irritates you very much, then most likely you will hardly be able to put up with it overnight. Be realistic in your expectations.

When looking at a room in an apartment where your potential neighbor has been living for some time, pay attention to what his room or common space looks like. If you are very picky in matters of cleanliness, and your neighbor has things scattered everywhere in his room and there are no washed dishes in the kitchen, then it is better for you not to start living with such a neighbor. You most likely won't get along.

Power is in the word!

The main reason for misunderstanding between people is understatement. When living with a loved one, you need to talk about everything. Especially if you live with a person who is a stranger to you. If you are not satisfied with something in your neighbor’s behavior, the best option would still be to tell him about it. Otherwise, you will accumulate irritation within yourself, and your neighbor will not even know what he needs to change in order to improve relationships in the house. However, such issues must be discussed in a correct manner. At the same time, you shouldn’t make a mountain out of a mountain and find fault with everything that doesn’t suit you. Perhaps there is something you can still come to terms with? If so, then there is no need to raise this topic at all. At the same time, be open to accepting criticism in your direction.

That's what the boundaries are for!

Each person has a personal space into which he does not allow everyone. If you are not one of those whom your neighbor allows into his space, then do not try to enter it. Never enter your neighbor’s room without his permission, do not take his dishes, and do not occupy the entire common space with your things. Respect your neighbor's right to privacy and public space. To avoid confusion and complaints, separate bookshelves, shelves in the refrigerator, and cabinets. This way you will always know where your products and your belongings are, and no one will violate other people’s borders.

Owl vs lark

Respect your neighbor's daily routine. To do this correctly, find out in advance when your neighbor goes to bed and when he gets up. Also ask him not to make noise in the evening if you go to bed early, or in the morning if you are a typical night owl.

To make your guests happy

Always notify your rental companion that guests are coming. Of course, this does not mean that you must always discuss your plans for the evening with your neighbor. But guests in your common home should not become an unpleasant surprise for anyone. The same applies to the arrival of relatives for the weekend. Remember: this apartment is your common space. Guests or visiting relatives will use the space, which also belongs to your neighbor. And you must respect his opinion on this issue. In turn, be prepared to receive the guests of your companion.

Be friendly!

Discussion of all everyday issues is, of course, very good. But you can’t become friends on this basis. We said above that we could forgive some everyday nuances to a loved one. So why not make your neighbor such a person? Of course, you don't have to become bosom friends with your neighbors. However, it will be more pleasant for you if occasionally you discuss not only everyday issues and do not behave like strangers to each other. This way you can count on mutual understanding and help in difficult moments for you.

All of the above tips will help maintain peace in your new home. Mutual respect, kindness and goodwill will help, although not completely get rid of friction between neighbors, but reduce it to a minimum. And then you will go to a rented apartment not as if you were in a hostel, but as if you were in a warm and cozy home. You can read how to make it this way in the article “”.

With good wishes,